


hey there spirits its me ya boy

by whisperunicornrainbow



Category: Paranatural (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack...?, Gen, Group chat, Maybe the Real Treasure is the Friends We Made Along the Way, Memes, Texting, tbh theres probably gonna be Maxwell Puckett/Johnny Jhonny somewhere somehow, thats all i have left, thats all there is, this is all just an elaborate shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 00:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13065615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisperunicornrainbow/pseuds/whisperunicornrainbow
Summary: Hugs not Pugs: Thank u max, for explaining that wonderful jokeIsangst amiright: A full 30 seconds of my life im never getting backiCravetheVoid: U know i do my best to entertain the masses but sometimes u just cant win em allHugs not Pugs: Or any of themEver(Or, every fandom needs that obligatory chatfic)





	1. flip phones. discuss

**Author's Note:**

> Listen guys, as someone who has experienced that fantastical part of our lives called middle school, there was no way I would be able to write this without an abundance of dirty jokes and cursing, so...you have been warned.
> 
> Isabel: Hugs not Pugs  
> Ed: Burger KingTM  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Max: iCravetheVoid

**Isangst amiright:**....who changed my name

 

 **Burger KingTM:** U gave urself this title buddy

 

 **Isangst amiright:** No i didnt??

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Yes u did. By being a massive emo

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ed! Dont be insensitive

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh! Thanks iz

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** He might identify as goth

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Hey!!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Now ur an allstar

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Max i s2g

 

 **Burger KingTM:** NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAAAMS R MADE OF

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** A bit late ed

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Hey

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Now

 

 **Isangst amiright:** SDFHRUIWKNDH shut tf up

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** That is an UGLY keyboard smash

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Almost as ugly as ur FACE

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Haha nice one isaac

 

 **Isangst amiright:** What r u doing

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** What? Complimenting u?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Yeah that. it s weird

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Isaac buddy ur mind is a confusing place

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Welcome To My Twisted Mind

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ok mr. isaac two years ago and also yesterday

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Guys stop picking on the underdog

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Dont u mean updog?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** ??? whats updog?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** DHWIOLS,cmnyWKENRGE*SIK

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** EWHYUDIKJSADEWFGSREAF AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** FDEQWFDVVWFRQTAYSJD HOLy SHIT HOLY FUCK

 

 **Isangst amiright:** What? WHAT??

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Im dying...im crying…

 

 **Burger KingTM:** The old man is lying

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Thats...a bit ominous

 

 **Isangst amiright:** guys...Blease...whut just happened

 **Hugs not Pugs:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Isangst amiright:** No dont do this to meeeee

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I just wanna know!!!

 

 **Burger KingTM:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Dammit i hate all of u

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** We love u too motherfucker

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Gasp!!!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Iz there are babies present

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Whos the baby?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Me

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** He said it not i

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ok trusty google had my back when my “friends” did not and all i gotta say is: yall r immature

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yall

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yall

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Yall

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I hope all of u die in the most painful ways

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** U didnt even put an apostraphe

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** *apostrophe

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Fight me at dawn

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** You Would Die

 

 **iCravetheVoid:**...tru

Where r u guys currently?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Me and iz r walking to school together lookin at our screens like them damn millennials

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im taking a shortcut

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ~~You mean the~~ right

Well since That Fucker jacked up my scooter i had to sneak onto the school bus

Which just so happened to be The Scary Fucker’s

And i can feel her eyes burning the back of my head

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Max my dude i cant keep track of all ur nicknames

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Who is the most intimidating person u know?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I dont think izzy’s grandpa is on a school bus

 

 **Isangst amiright:** We dont know his life

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ok imagine like the personification of everything there is to fear in this world, but wearing pink

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oooooh

makes sense

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** That girl is spunky

I like her spunk

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Thats funny cuz she once told me she has a diary full of ideas on how to plant evidence of u murdering some1

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** See? Spunk

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ewww

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ohmygod isaac wtf

 

 **Isangst amiright:** What?? Just...spunk! U know what im talking abot!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yes i do and i am thurhly disgusted

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Wtf is that word

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Shush its too early for english

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Its always too early for english

 

 **Isangst amiright:** English is a fugly language that should burn in hell

 

 **Burger KingTM:** From now on we only speak morse code

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Sounds fun count me in

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Damn i knew i shouldve taken those free lessons from that one woman who always smelled like cabbage

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Sounds Like A Steal

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I think she was like a veteran or something

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Oh wht thats Lit

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Wow Isabel you’re so hip

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Thanks bud u always have my back

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** More like spud

 

 **Burger KingTM:** …

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Cuz ur tiny

And also possibly cuz u like green

And...potatoes r irish

Which is often connected with the color green

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Thank u max, for explaining that wonderful joke

 

 **Isangst amiright:** A full 30 seconds of my life im never getting back

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** U know i do my best to entertain the masses but sometimes u just cant win em all

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Or any of them

Ever

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Pouty face crying face

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** No

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Question mark

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Stop that

Just put the emojis

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Smirking face

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Angry face

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** HA

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Look what u made me do

 

 **Burger KingTM:** OOO

LOOK WHAT U MADE ME DO

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

 

 **Isangst amiright:** LOOK WHAT U MADE ME DO

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** LOOK WHAT U JUST MADE ME DO

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im sorry, the old isabel cant come to the phone right now~~

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** whY?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oh cuz shes fuckin deceased

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** If only amiright

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** U wanna go?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** And hang out cuz i enjoy spending time in ur company? Ya sure

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Damn

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Exactly

 

 **Burger KingTM:** That song was almost as cringey as that time isaac gelled his hair down

 

 **Isangst amiright:** WE PROMISED NOT TO SPEAK OF THAT

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** He looked like he was about to break out some khaki slacks and pastel polos!!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** It was a glorious day

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Doesnt max have a pic?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh u mean the one on his DRUG DEALER FLIP PHONE

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** MY PHONE IS INDESTRUCTABLE AND CAN BEAT UR PUNY PHONE UP ANYDAY

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** NOTHING WRONG WITH FLIP PHONES ISAAC

CAN U SLAM A TOUCH SCREEN SHUT AFTER ENDING A FRUSTRATING CALL WITH UR BOSS?? I DOTN THINK SO

 

 **Isangst amiright:** UR 13!! U DONT HAVE A BOSS

 

 **Burger KingTM:** WHATS WITH ALL THE CAPS!!!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** THEYRE SATISFYING

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** DOTN BE PRETENTIOUS ED JUST CALL THEM HATS

 

 **Isangst amiright:** LOL

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ok im done

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I do wonder how u type so quickly with those weird buttons tht have multiple letters on each

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Blood, sweat and tears

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Experience, willpower, and a dash of lady luck

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I dont even know what ur phone is ed

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Bertha has never steered me wrong in the millenia that ive had her

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Im going to assume bertha is NOT ur phone for the sake of my sanity

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ur sanity is unsakened

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Forsakened

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Noo that doesnt work in this context

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Really?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** U sure?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Whats the def

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Hold on lemme search

Apparently its to renounce or gve up somethin

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Thank u isaac’s phone tat was made in this century and therefore gets internet

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** So i gues just cuz it has the word sake in it and a prefix doesnt mean its an antonym

 

 **Burger KingTM:** “Prefix” “antonym” lol max dont make up words

 

 **Isangst amiright:** My succulent assisstant google also says antonyms of sake r disadvantage, loss, etc

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Anyone else think succulent is a very horny word

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** What the ever loving fuck is a “horny word”

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Eactly what it sounds like poopface

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Wow real mature

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Just like the word “succulent”...

REAL mature ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I need new friends

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Understandable

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** #relatable

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** None of u appreciate tru talent


	2. hi welcome to chili's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to pretend that flip phones are able to hold group chats like theirs' 'cause honestly I've never seen one in real life so what I don't know won't hurt me.
> 
> Isabel: Hugs not Pugs  
> Ed: Burger KingTM  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Max: iCravetheVoid

**Burger KingTM:** And im feeling deserted  in this chilis tonight

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Ed?? Where tf r u

  
**Burger KingTM:** UM AT THE LUNCH TABLE? Guys violet is giving me sad eyes. Usually she doesn’t even 

acknowledge my existence

  
**Isangst amiright:** That’s how u know its bad

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Sorry kid iz and Isaac got us stuck in lunch detention

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Uhhh Isaac is the one who wanted to challenge me to a Duel right in the middle of the hall

  
**Isangst amiright:** All I said was that mr. spender is a buttface??

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Yes. That required a fight to the death

 

**iCravetheVoid:** And I also got in trouble for trying to keep the peace

  
**Isangst amiright:** Wellll u r a really bad peacekeeper

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Yeah u were just yelling at us to not hold back while tripping a kid that went to tell a teacher

  
**iCravetheVoid:** If he hadn’t escaped u would’ve come to a peaceful agreement eventually

  
**Burger KingTM:**  guys   
Suzy just invited me to come to her table   
She licked her lips. Like actually. Im going to die

  
**Isangst amiright:** Collin will probably not let her actually murder u

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Eh hes a weak minded tadpole

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Dimitri is a wild card   
Bit of an instigator tbh

  
**Burger KingTM:** All of the 6th grade girls have a crush on him

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Whut???? Why? I don’t think ive ever seen him talk to a 6th grader

  
**Burger KingTM:** Its his whole ‘mysterious stranger’ vibe

  
**Isangst amiright:** Honestly? Same

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Oh Shut

  
**Burger KingTM:** As long as I act busy on my phone I don’t have to talk to them   
How r u guys even texting rn?

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Ms baxter is talking to her (friend? Girlfriend?) they say “babe” and “mmhmm ur so right” a lot   
Iz and Isaac r just making ugly faces at each other from across the room

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** This is so boring theyre not even using us for free child labor

  
**Burger KingTM:** I feel so awkward

  
**Isangst amiright:** Ed I know that ur not used to being an indivudal person

  
**Burger KingTM:** DO U WANT TO FIGHT

  
**Isangst amiright:** But I believe u can go half an hour alone

  
**Burger KingTM:** Cody is lookin at me with a mona lisa smile   
Ive never felt so much affection and fear towards one person before

 

**Isangst amiright:** Anyone else think his eyes r like…a glowing blue   
Like legit glow-in-the-dark

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Oh yah that guy is my Nemesis

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Cody? But hes so…nice

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Yes but his flips r Killer and I have a fragile pride

  
**Isangst amiright:** How come max gets an anime Nemesis while I, the known anime fan, do not?

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Lol Isaac ur nemesis is urself

  
**Burger KingTM:** Damn…

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Wheres the lie tho

  
**Burger KingTM:** I wonder why lisa isn’t at the school store

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Maybe our school finally got its shit together and stopped the Madness

  
**Isangst amiright:** Lol no

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Serge is literally staring at ur thru the window rn

  
**iCravetheVoid:** WHAT THE FUCC   
HOW IS HE EVEN ALLOWED OUTSIDE DURING CLASS

  
**Isangst amiright:** This school is honestly so Dramatic and I am living

  
**iCravetheVoid:** At least u acknowledge it   
I am literally the only sane person here

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** U backflipped off the roof on a dare

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Yeah and johnny still owes me two puddings what about it

  
**Burger KingTM:** Speaking of that guy, his gang isn’t here and that’s just a Bit worrying

  
**Isangst amiright:** Theyre like a pot that u don’t WANT to boil so u always gotta be watching it

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Hope I don’t get fuckin tackled again

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Lol it was right in front of mr splendid and he just smiled mildly

  
**Burger KingTM:** Johnny jhonny is an excited puppy that likes to fight and is also a three ton hellhound

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Tru

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Its more like he and his frineds r some weird hivemind hydra

  
**Burger KingTM:** Honestly squad goals

  
**Isangst amiright:** Why rnt we that #tight

  
**Burger KingTM:** Ok guys tag urself im that weird conspiracy guy cuz I too am half feral

  
**Isangst amiright:** Im the kid whos the size of a house cuz I too am the Brain, Beauty and Brawn of the group

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Im the silent but deadly one, like a fart

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Do yall know…Any of their names   
Uve literally gone to the same school as them for Ever

  
**Burger KingTM:** Max that requires a level of competence from us that’s just not possible

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** But guys max cant be johnny

  
**iCravetheVoid:** What why not

  
**Isangst amiright:** U right it just wouldn’t…work

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Ok he can be the fart kid, ill be the aggressive red one

  
**Burger KingTM:** Wow it fits so well

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** I cant even take that as an insult that guy is overflowing with Raw Power

  
**Isangst amiright:** Hes like Deku using One For All at 100 but always

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Isaac what did we say about making vague anime references 

  
**Isangst amiright:** That im my own man and I can do whatever I darn well please

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** No

 

**Isangst amiright:** Haters gonna hate

  
**iCravetheVoid:** I Want To Die

  
**Burger KingTM:** Max is the embodiment of millennial humor

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Millennials Are Killing 7th Graders’ Humor

  
**Isangst amiright:** Someday were gonna have an honest intelligent conversation

  
**Burger KingTM:** Sounds fake but okay

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Max hows ur sis? Still ballin’?

  
**Isangst amiright:** Isabel u cant just make up slang willy nilly

  
**Burger KingTM:** …

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** “willy nilly” @god what have I done to deserve this

  
**iCravetheVoid:** AHEm shes cool   
She had some losers over for a d&d sesh and they were all decked out in cardboard armor it was great

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Aww

  
**Isangst amiright:** Adorable

 

**Burger KingTM:** Why don’t we do awesome d&d shit?

  
**iCravetheVoid:** I think jeff and cody do that stuff

  
**Burger KingTM:** But im marginally cooler on the social hierarchy and being seen with them might lower it

  
**Isangst amiright:** That’s a goddamn lie

  
**Burger KingTM:** Ok u might be right   
Damn am I really…the Lamest Loser

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Kick him off the island

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Anyone else think that guy from Total Drama Island is like…actually Satan

  
**Burger KingTM:** I always cried watching that

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Haha baby

  
**Isangst amiright:** Weren’t u sobbing when we watched titanic

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I am not a strong man Isaac

  
**Burger KingTM:** No one is strong about titanic

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** THERE WAS ENOUGH ROOM FOR JACK

  
**Isangst amiright:** But what about emotional impact

  
**Burger KingTM:** Izzy doesn’t get sad at movies she gets mad   
She almost punched the screen when we watch Up

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** They didn’t have to do that!!!

  
**Isangst amiright:** Yes they did iz it was for the plot

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** PLOT MY ASS   
NO ONE HAS TO DIE

  
**iCravetheVoid:** \--Isabel, during her Inspiring Speech as we go into battle

  
**Burger KingTM:** And then we all died

  
**Isangst amiright:** Lol I wish

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Nooo we cant all have millennial humor whos gonna bring the light hearted jokes to the table

  
**Burger KingTM:** As the residential comic relief I place the burden on my shoulders

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Uh speak 4 urself I make baller jokes

  
**Burger KingTM:** Whats with u and balls

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** *insert lenny face*

 

**Isangst amiright:** C- for laziness

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** I accept that

  
**Burger KingTM:** Man…cant believe the only platform that was ever truly pure, Vine, is gone

  
**Isangst amiright:** Esxcuse me do u have time to talk about our lord and savior vine?

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Its dead like Jebus Christ   
And its rebirthed in vine 2

  
**Burger KingTM:** Whut

  
**iCravetheVoid:** What

 

**Isangst amiright:** What.

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** U don’t know about vine 2???

  
**Burger KingTM:** Is this a joke or osmethin?

Don’t play with my emotions

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** Look it up Edward ur about to be the happiest marsupial this side of the continent

  
**Burger KingTM:** HOLY SHIT   
OMG GUYS   
WTF

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** :D

  
**Burger KingTM:** HAVE MY PRAYERS BEEN ANSWERED? IS THERE TRULY A GOD?

  
**iCravetheVoid:** God gained another follower that day

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Lol I just got the mental image of god, like, counting his twitter followers

  
**Burger KingTM:** If u think Isaac and max together r the personification of tumblr say I

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** I

  
**iCravetheVoid:** Oh yeah well ed is like my space or somethin

  
**Isangst amiright:** Isabel is youtube because she too says hurtful things to me

  
**Hugs not Pugs:** At least we can all agree that mr spender is facebook   
  
**iCravetheVoid:** Yes

  
**Burger KingTM:** Yeah

  
**Isangst amiright:** Yep.   



	3. if there were two spectrals on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what

**Burger KingTM:** Hey anybody up

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ed we r literally sitting next to each other

Does my company not satisfy u??

 

 **Isangst amiright:** He obviously missed my Dazzling Charisma

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no

 

 **Isangst amiright:** This is cyber bullying and i do not condone it

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ok so i guess everyones up

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Its middle school ed we’re all too busy overthrowing the patriarchy to sleep

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Well than whats high school for

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Thats when we all get pimply and insecure so we’ve gotta be as badass as possible rn

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Soon i wont be with this chubby cheeked children

Ill be walking those daunting halls of high school, singing along with troy bolton and gabriella something-or-other

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ur going to be Eaten Alive

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Did u know ryan evan’s actor wanted him to be canonically gay but the Higher Ups were dicks so they gave him that stupid romance with that hat girl

 

 **Isangst amiright:** With the piano?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Yih

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Thats so fucked up!!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I always wondered about that since Hat Girl had that thing going on with the dumb basketball guy in the first movie

 

 **Isangst amiright:** He didnt deserve her

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Looking back on it, that baseball song with ryan and chad was like….Extremely Gay

 

 **Burger KingTM:** That was my jam back in elementary

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Now i have to make a chyan fanfiction with 500K words, possibly a coffee shop au

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I would read the hell out of that

 

 **Burger KingTM:** U think theres really a high school musical fnadom?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Where can i join

 

 **Isangst amiright:** To join u have to get a troy haircut

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Where can i leave

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** All of us lil kiddies who sang along to every song and eagerly waited for hsm2 WERE the fandom. We didnt even need the internet

 

 **Burger KingTM:** The internet did, in fact, exist in 2006

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Um no? Lol

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** who the fuck knows what year hsm came out at the top of their head

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Language

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Whomst the fuck

 

 **Isangst amiright:** No

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I cant believe ive had an entire conversation about high shcool musical in this day and age

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Only 2000s Kids Remember This

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ugh the 2000s. We didnt even have a Style, like the 90s or 70s. It was just...bad

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Thats my fleeting childhood ur talking about

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ever think about how one day we’re gonna be old and wrinkly and rn we’re living our youth? Like...what r we supposed to do with ourselves

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Idk...exist?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Profound my man

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** But i mean literally all i do is go to school, go home, mess around, and sometimes it seems im supposed to do more or whatever.

Like im wasting time.

But idk what i should be doing than

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I mean...u dont really need a reason to live.

Like, its good to have a purpose and shit, but we’re on this earth literally just to be there.

We didnt get a list of directions about how our life should go, what career we should aim for, etc.

u could really do anything u want, and that freedom is kinda scary, but a lotta people smarter than us have said that life is so special because its an unknown variable

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Plus, we’re not even True Teenagers yet.

If u wanna make a difference or whatever, do volunteer work or charity or somethin, but think of it this way: going to school and playing around are part of the experience for our age, so no ones really expecting much else

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Bcuz our lives have been pretty short so far, it feels like weve lived a long time.

But were gonna live to 7x this time, so theres no rush. Weve got the whole future ahead to do Important stuff. And for now we can hang out and make radical memories!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Aww guys thx 4 taking my 3 am fake deep seriously

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Its 11:47

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I once killed a man

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im calling the cops

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Wow ok? Now i see who r my fake friends

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well hold on isaac let her say why first

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** He called me a bitch

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh well why didnt u say so that makes everything fine

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Its great how i can tell he said that with zero sarcasm

 

 **Burger KingTM:** U didnt kill him iz u just kicked his balls

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wait someone actually called u a bitch?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Who the fuck do we gotta beat up?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Lol chill guys i already pulverized him

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ITS A HIM

 

 **Isangst amiright:** That narrows it down by a small amount!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** It was an academy kid

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Those fuckers? Theyre always causing trouble for johnnys gang

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Uhh im mad at them too at the mo, but r u sure its not the other way around?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Shh ed hes blinded by love

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Wtf does that mean??

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Nah but 4 real those guys r entitled dicks

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I cant believe were really doing this whole ‘enemy schools’ thing like some west side story plot

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Unfortunately, bcuz we were born in this century, none of us get that reference

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Lol i would watch that movie all the time w/ my mom

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Oh

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Do u think ud wanna watch it as a group sometime?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yeah

Id like that

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Guys not to alarm u but yoosung just said that he LOVES me

We’ve known each 4 like three days omg

Im not ready 4 this commitment

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why did make ‘for’ into a number but left three as it is

 

 **Isangst amiright:** PRIORITIES MAX

 

 **Burger KingTM:** R u still playign that anime dating app

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Yes and ur not allowed to judge cuz u still play flappy bird

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Omg i forgot that existed

 

 **Burger KingTM:** But isaac isnt that app aimed 4 girls?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Yah but like fuck them right

What gets me pissed is that when i try to say im not a girl the bots r programmed to say that theyre just gonna pretend that i am

Like i get that it makes it easier for the creators so they dont gotta mess with pronouns but idk

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Wow ur really passionate about this

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ack sorry if that was cringey or something

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:**...isaac no?? We all literally love listening to u rant about ur interests thats what friends r 4

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh

Right

Uh sorry

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Stop apoligizing lol

 

 **Isangst amiright:** ~~Sorry~~ haha

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Yeah but that is supremely stupid

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Do u think i can get away w/ doing history hw at lunch

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Dudebro, we’re the Chosen Ones, mr. s wont make us actually work in class

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ed when did u last turn in hw?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** 1986?? Why

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** when did u last check ur grades

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Also 1986 i dont see how these correlate

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Go check them

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Cant believe he uses words like “correlate” thend oes dumb shit like this

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ok all of the blood has left his face so i think im gonna tuck him in

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Aww how disgustingly domestic

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Rip ed

Whos gonna be our new cutesy mascot

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I vote pj

 

 **Isangst amiright:**?? who dat

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ahaha i meant to type rj

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh theyre kinda more feral cat than cuddly kitten

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well thats some type of animal

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Btw whuts ur fave animal?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why do u wanna know?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wow. such level of suspicion aimed towards ur dear friend, for legitimately no reason

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Last time i told u my favorite drink u spilled it all over me

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I?? Was trying to be a good persoN?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I got second degree burns

 

 **Isangst amiright:** It was first degree at most

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yeah yeah whatever

Sharks. Theyre cool

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wow its almost like ur a middle school boy

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Shut! Now why did u really wanna know?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Idk. we havent know each other long so i just wanted to get to know u better i guess

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ok our son has been forcibly tied to bed so we can now break out the booze

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yknow u cant keep acting like hes younger just cuz hes a midget

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Um yes?? I can

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Cant argue w/ that logic

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Anyone here been drunk b4?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Pls max were not gonna illegally drink until at least 15 when we start starring in our very own coming of age chic flicks

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I think those r two different genres

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Tomato, boneless apple

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** …...what, the actual fuk

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Tsk tsk cant even curse correctly

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Unfortunately ed will be cranky if i stay up oo late w/o him so i must take my leave

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** and ive started smelling colors so imma bounce too

 

 **Isangst amiright:** All of u r weak and cant hold up to my power

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yes yes love u too

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Night losers

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Gnite

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Sleep tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'd appreciate it if you suggest names for the other characters since I'm itching to write group chats with them too, and my creativity with names is lacking (heck, suggest new ones for the main four if you want, I might change them if I like it enough)


	4. jokes on u ive always been a dumbass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #LetTheClubBeFriends2k18
> 
> Max: iCraveTheVoid  
> Isabel: Hugs Not Pugs  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Ed: Burger KingTM

**iCravetheVoid:** They’re beautiful

 

**Burger KingTM:** Who

 

**iCravetheVoid:** The my friends reading this

 

**Isangst amiright:** That meme is stale and so are u

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Wow i try to be wholesome one (1) time and this is what i get

 

**Burger KingTM:** We have a clique but no mom friend whats up with that

 

**Isangst amiright:** Maybe cuz all of us r trash

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Well ur not wrong

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** We really r the Orphan Squad

 

**Burger KingTM:** Literally

 

**Isangst amiright:** Fuck

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Changing the subject, why r u guys texting during class

 

**Isangst amiright:** Cuz I'm a dumbass and gave up understanding math back in 3rd grade

 

**iCravetheVoid:** We have a sub and he's just snacking on chips while the kids go wild

 

**Burger KingTM:** Lisa has started a hierarchy and is quickly climbing to the top

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** :( man no fair our teacher is making us do a project

 

**Burger KingTM:** Than why?? R u not doing it?

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Ed u know me when have i ever made a wise decision 

 

**Isangst amiright:** Shes got a point

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ur gonna get in troubleeee

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Some people?? Use irresponsibility??? To cope????

 

**Burger KingTM:** Just ask to go the bathroom and hop on over here!

 

**Isangst amiright:** Stop encouraging bad behavior!!

As the senpai of this group it is my duty to stop u from acting rashly

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Pls never say that word again

 

**Isangst amiright:** Senpai?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** The worst part is its not even ironic

 

**Isangst amiright:** What do u mean max-chan?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I will break u with my pinky finger

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Wow max ur so tsundere

 

**Burger KingTM:** IZZY!

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** UwU yes?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ohmygooooood

 

**Isangst amiright:** Oh dont act like u didnt binge watch one punch man with me last week

 

**iCravetheVoid:** isAAC

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Awww dont be ashamed max! Nothin wrong w/ liking anime

 

**Burger KingTM:** Yeah me nd iz used to watch pokemon every mornin

 

**Isangst amiright:** Amatuers 

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** O.o whats that pretty boy

 

**Isangst amiright:** How is that an insult…

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** UR AN INSULT

TO HUMANITY

 

**Burger KingTM:** U TELL HIM BOSS

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Boys, boys, ur both manly

 

**Burger KingTM:** Well we’ve all watched dragon ball z right? Back when we were young lads?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I was more of a Shred Eagle Extreme kinda kid

 

**Isangst amiright:** Max is an uncultured swine confirmed

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Can an uncultured swine do SICK FLIPS??

 

**Isangst amiright:** Possibly

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Than i except my title

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** *accept u goddamn moron

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I came out to have a good time and im honeslty feeling so attacked rn

 

**Burger KingTM:** Why cant we all be nice to each other T_T

 

**Isangst amiright:** We share our love thru dank memes and dark humor

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Its a new age ed

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Omg i just realized: max do u wear a baseball hat cuz shred eagle did??

 

**iCravetheVoid:** ……

 

**Burger KingTM:** That is so ADORABLE

 

**Isangst amiright:** Awww how sweet

 

**iCravetheVoid:** SHUT UP ALL OF U

 

**Isangst amiright:** Whoa guys my babe google says the show had a skateboarding dog

 

**Burger KingTM:** Whats with u and google…?

 

**Isangst amiright:** AND A DOPE ROBOT FRIEND!!

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Omg ur right it even had a badass lesbian 

Add all that together with a POC lead and im sold

 

**Burger KingTM:** Guys...were WE the uncultured swines all along?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Wait...r yall serious? Ud be interested in watching it?

 

**Burger KingTM:** HELL YEAH!!

 

**Isangst amiright:** They fight crime so like duh

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Lets all get have a sleepover and watch it together!!

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Yes!! Id really really like that!

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Aww its so cute seeing u hype 4 somethin

 

**iCravetheVoid:** The moment is gone

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Nooo we were bonding

 

**Isangst amiright:** “I cradled u in my arms!” 

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Again with the references isaac

 

**Isangst amiright:** Screw u i do what i like

 

**Burger KingTM:** Wow isaac ur so cool >///<

 

**Isangst amiright:** Dont Patronize Me

 

**Burger KingTM:** What if i wasn't? Huh? What r u gonna do about??

 

**Isangst amiright:** Fuckin fight u i guess!

 

**Burger KingTM:** BRING IT ON BITCH

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ed werent u the one who wanted us to be nicer

 

**Burger KingTM:** This is different

This is a matter of Honor

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ok zuko season 1

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** I actually get that reference!! :)

 

**Isangst amiright:** Aw yeah!

 

**Burger KingTM:** What Wholesome content

Finally, friendship

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Newsflash asshole! We’ve been wholesome the entire goddamn time!

 

**Burger KingTM:** DONT QUOTE OUTDATED MEMES AT ME

 

**iCravetheVoid:** UR NOT MY DAD

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Yeah thats right IM his dad

 

**Burger KingTM:** Pls u dont have what it takes to be a father

 

**Isangst amiright:** Yeah im calling bullshit

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Hi calling bullshit...im dad

 

**Burger KingTM:** ….holy cow

 

**Isangst amiright:** Fuck we’ve just been owned

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Has isabel really been two dads stacked in a trenchcoat this entire time

 

**Isangst amiright:** So we have the Dad Friend but no mom

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I guess we’re just special that way

 

**Burger KingTM:** Wow its like we’re Better than everyone else

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Ohohoho! Hubris?

 

**Burger KingTM:** Why r u talking about a thick paste or spread made from ground chickpeas and sesame seeds, olive oil, lemon, and garlic, made originally in the Middle East?

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** There is no way u knew the definition of hummus off the top of ur head u fuckin copy and pasted that from the internet

 

**Burger KingTM:** U underestimate my power

 

**Isangst amiright:** Anybody know how to do algebra here

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Wtf is “algebra”

 

**Isangst amiright:** :’) i need friends my age

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Oh fuck off ur only nine months older

 

**Burger KingTM:** Besides we’re way cooler! We fight the supernatural~~

 

**Isangst amiright:** Just the other day u snorted milk up ur nose and than made it come out of ur eyes

 

**Burger KingTM:** Not one of my finest moments

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Au contraire

 

**Burger KingTM:** Mebe u can bully mr. spender into tutoring u, teachers r smart like that rite

 

**Isangst amiright:** Spending more time around mr. spender than i have to? No thanks

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Isaac…

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Guys jeff just told me his favorite anime is mighty morphin power rangers

 

**Isangst amiright:** Was he joking…?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I cant tell

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** That guy is Wild and honestly goals

 

**Burger KingTM:** My dream is to have hair that slowly eats away at my face, like him

 

**Isangst amiright:** Hes like 86% dumb t shirts and 5% awesome name

 

**iCravetheVoid:** “Jeffavorite Flavors” i need to give his parents a medal

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Well than whats the other 9%

 

**Isangst amiright:** Dont make me do Fucking math for a goddamn joke

 

**Burger KingTM:** U ok buddy?

 

**Isangst amiright:** Yeah srry

Just ignore me

Stressed is all

 

**iCravetheVoid:** We should get together for a study session

 

**Isangst amiright:** Why?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ive been having trouble in english

 

**Isangst amiright:** My curriculum doesnt match with urs tho

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Well maybe we just want to be scholars hmm

 

**Isangst amiright:** Yeah sure im down

 

**Burger KingTM:** Yay! :) friday? After club?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Sounds good

 

**Isangst amiright:** Affirmative 

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** :)))

 

**Burger KingTM:** Yall mind if i 

_*attached image*_   
  


**iCravetheVoid:** Damn...i wanna be mad but

That image is Powerful

 

**Isangst amiright:** I dont mind at all u Majestic Creature

 

**Burger KingTM:** Dabbing Unicorn is pleased and excited that u all enjoy his Moves

He was nervous at first but now he is full of pride

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Oh no im already attached

 

**Isangst amiright:** #1 Dabbing Unicorn Fan

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I Support Dabbing Unicorn

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Someday i wish to have moves like Dabbing Unicorn (and jagger)

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Hello is this the Lame Club

 

**Hugs not Pugs:**??

 

**Isangst amiright:** Eh?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Its me violet

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Uh...faintly recall

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Did u steal maxs phone?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Well lisa did, and than max tackled her, and  now jeff is trying to seperate them while cody and ed laugh, so now u get to enjoy my company

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Tell ed i said hi!

 

**iCravetheVoid:** R u his datemate?

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** What? No! Im like his sister

 

**Isangst amiright:** Do U have a datemate violet?

 

**iCravetheVoid:**...r u hitting on me

 

**Isangst amiright:** Oh god no

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Should i be offended

 

**Isangst amiright:** I dont think so,,,

 

**iCravetheVoid:** fuck uh MAX EATS HIS BOOGEFGW

orry guys im back

Just had to kill a classmate real quick

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** As per usual

 

**Isangst amiright:** Max!!

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Thansk 4 helping me ED

 

**Burger KingTM:** No problem buddy 8)

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ew ugly emoji

 

**Burger KingTM:** But i wear glasses 8( its fitting

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Well maybe its ur face thats ugly

 

**Burger KingTM:** SUCH UNNECESSARY SALT

 

**iCravetheVoid:** VERY NECESSARY ACTUALLY

 

**Burger KingTM:** ISABEL AVENGE ME

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** U GOT IT BRO

 

**iCravetheVoid:** ISAAC HELP ME OUT HERE

 

**Isangst amiright:** No

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** daMN

 

**Burger KingTM:** Critical Hit

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Ive been betrayed...broken...my own brother in arms

 

**Isangst amiright:** When did u become so dramatic?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** whEn DiD yOu BeCoMe sO dRaMaTiC

 

**Burger KingTM:** Wheres the pic of spongebob

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Up ur butt thats where

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Omg ed just apoligize to him

 

**Burger KingTM:** Alright fine sorry i didnt help u beat up our classmate

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Thank u thats all i asked 4

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ed is like the Norway of our friend group

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Is this a history reference? Have u sunk so far?

 

**Isangst amiright:** Its not my fault im a Scholar

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Ur MOMS a scholar

 

**Burger KingTM:** Beautiful delivery, classic insult, 10/10 would rate again

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Thanks ed uve always been there 4 me from the start

 

**Burger KingTM:** No prob bob 8)

 

**Isangst amiright:** Is this what family looks like

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Oh shush u fool

 

**Isangst amiright:** B’)

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Omg cody just asked who jacob sartorius is

 

**Burger KingTM:** That poor buffoon

 

**Isangst amiright:** Why the hell were u talking about jacob sartorius

 

**iCravetheVoid:** We’re bored ok

Theres only so much talks about video games and Starchman stars i can take before contemplating homicide

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** We have like 30 seconds b4 the bell rings

 

**Burger KingTM:** U guys wanna meet up in the club room 4 lunch?

 

**Isangst amiright:** Thats fine w/ me

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Yah sure

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Sounds good!


	5. oh boy wait until you hear about sex ed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to do a weekly update so that I don't abandon this like everything else in my life ahuhuhuhu~ 
> 
> Isabel: Hugs not Pugs  
> Ed: Burger KingTM  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Max: iCravetheVoid

**Isangst amiright:** Someone pls put me in a coma

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Gladly

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Is there a reason why?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im Fuckin tired and theres a test

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I feel u buddy

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I wish u the best of luck!!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I'm gonna die but thanks anyway

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** We all die u either kill urself or get killed

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I know u were trying to sound deep but u forget I watched every vine compilation on utube

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Gotdamnit

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Half the stuff that comes out of ur mouth is just stuff u stole from vine

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Did I ask? To be exposed like this??

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Did Isaac leave to get his ass kicked w/ testing?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ya I think so

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Poor dudes been having it rough lately

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Do u think we should talk to him about getting a tutor?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** U know how he is about pride and stuff

 

 **Burger KingTM:** :/ I just wanna help

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I know kid

 

 **Burger KingTM:** U sound like an old fart when u call me that

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I always thought it was weird when in those old actiton movies the main guy would call the female love interest ‘kid’ idk it judt made me uncomfortablr

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I know how u feel

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oh god

 

 **iCravetheVoid:**??

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I just got scared when a bird t umped against the window

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Haha wimp

 

 **Burger KingTM:** It's not my fault! I was up late watching Buzz feed unsolved and they always talk about creepy stuff

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Dude the entire attraction towards the show is the fact that the two dudes make funny jokes

 

 **Burger KingTM:** WELL IT'S STILL SPOOKY

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** u literally see ghosts and spirits and beat them up daily

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I wasn't asking for logic Maximus

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** U can't see it but I'm rolling my eyes at u

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Where'd Izzy go?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Mebe her phone got taken away

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ha she never was good at being subtle

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why do u speak of her like she's dead

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Max...isabels been dead for seven years

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** SHUT UP U KNOW I GET FREAKED OUT BY THAT SHIT

 

 **Burger KingTM:** She was always a ghost max

Wake up max you're in a coma

WAKE UP

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I hate yoooooou

So friggin muuuuuuch

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Heh

Man this chat almost feels empty w/o our loudest members

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Isaac is selectively loud

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Tru

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ed

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ya?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I can feel Johnny glaring holes into my hat

What do

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Turn around and smile at him

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** What? No why would I do that

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Trust me it'll freak him out just do it

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Fine fine

 

 **Burger KingTM:** So?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** He got a confused scowl and than punched himself

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Just as i thought

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** This town is so weird

 

 **Burger KingTM:** But u love us right? <3 <3 <3

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Tch whatever

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Playing hard to get? ;)))))

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why don't u practice ur lines on iz

 

 **Burger KingTM:** djcirjgodbwhyFJEEIFOBUDNWL i don't know what ur talking about

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Mhmm suuure

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Shit can they see our messages

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Nah it'll disappear don't worry

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oh thank God I almost had a heart attack

...howd u know?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ur kinda the opposite of inconspicuous

But don't worry I don't think she knows

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

Max what do I dooooo? I'm hopeless

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ackbuddy I'm really not the best one to ask

 

 **Burger KingTM:** But no one else knows! And whatever I'm doing doesn't seem to be working

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ok ok I'll call upon all those hours in waiting areas reading romance magazines

Maybe...test the waters? Flirt with her a bit and see if she reciprocates?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** U WANT ME

EDWELL DANGER BURGER

TO FLIRT WIT MY OLDESTAND CLOSEST FRIEND ISABEL WHO IS WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Shhh it's ok calm down

Maybe that's a bit 2 advanced 4 now

Why don't i help out a bit? Ask her on the sly if shes got an eye out 4 anyone?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Well...if u think that would help

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** D ont worry bro I got u

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Thanks max

I wish I coulda just had a crush on u

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Hmm well that would be weird since ur like a lil bro to me but thanks man

 

 **Burger KingTM:** OH GOD WHAT IF SHE THINKS OF ME LIKE A LIL BRO

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ai yi yi

I understand that ur having a crisis rn but Cody and Jeff keep makin lovesick faces at each other and I'm stuck in a gay sandwich

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Not the worst place to be

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I disagree I am feeling the awkward right about now

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Violet is gonna be so sad

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** What do u mean?

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Dude it's uber obvious that she has a crush on Jeff

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** WHAT??

 

 **Burger KingTM:** r u serious?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I thoufh she was wit lisa!!

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Maaan idk bro everyone in this school is Real fluid with their sexuality

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why can't Feelings just wait until our hormones get their shit together

Perhaps college when we can at least make out in peace

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Why do u got a Special someone?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** NO I am an unfeeling machine

I just feel bad 4 all u losers, controlled by ur emotions 

 

**Burger KingTM:** Mhmm 

 

**iCravetheVoid:** >:V

 

**Burger KingTM:** haha I like that!

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Thanks

my friend from my old town would always use it when he was annoyed

 

**Burger KingTM:** Oooo am I hearing about New Kid Max’s Mysterious Background?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I did sick flips with sick kids, the end

 

**Burger KingTM:** Aight I'm satisfied w/ that

Do u miss it?

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Yeah

The barrier thing

Really sucks

 

**Burger KingTM:** Aghdude I didn't even think what itd be like 4 someone who has a life outside of mayview

I'm real sorry abou that

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Eh not much u could do about it

 

**Burger KingTM:** :(

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ok guys u can stop crying I'm back

 

**Burger KingTM:** Isaac! How do u think u did? 

 

**Isangst amiright:** Hmm lets not talk about school

 

**iCravetheVoid:** That bad huh?

 

**Isangst amiright:** SO WHAT'S UR FAVORITE BOOK FRIEND-OS

 

**Burger KingTM:** Th e Pokemon Essential Handbook

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Could u be any less of a nerd

Mine is the Outsiders

We had to read it 4 school and it was really cool

 

**Burger KingTM:** Wbu?

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ah Mob Psycho 100

 

**Burger KingTM:** Isn't that a manga

 

**Isangst amiright:** Mmmmmaybe

 

**Burger KingTM:** T at doesn't count!!

 

**Isangst amiright:** LET ME LIVE MY LIFE EDWARD

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Both of u had fake books ya idiots

 

**Burger KingTM:** I accidentally read that as fake boobs

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ed

Why In the actual fuck

Would u tell us that 

 

**Burger KingTM:** Mebe I want my friends to know more about myself

 

**iCravetheVoid:** We don't need to know

That 

 

**Burger KingTM:** U guys r like blushing virgins how cute

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I will murder u in cold blood

 

**Isangst amiright:** Ok edgy mcedge Lord

 

**Burger KingTM:** Oh no Isaac he's coming after ur title

 

**Isangst amiright:** I am constantly attacked in my own home

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** OK the teach stepped out for a sec so I got my phone back

 

**Burger KingTM:** Iz u coulda gotten in trouble!!

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** What I'm hearing from that is “wow iz ur like James bond. Ur so cool I want u to sign my forehead”

 

**iCravetheVoid:** I mean that is basically what he means whenever he talks about u

 

**Burger KingTM:** Ahahahahahaha oh max what a trickster what a good ole joke what a loyal pal man what a great guy

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Am I missing something here

 

**iCravetheVoid:** Nothin important

 

**Isangst amiright:** Finally this hell period is almost over

 

**Burger KingTM:** Next period were doing presentations so I prolly won't be on 

 

**iCravetheVoid:** K see u soon

 

**Hugs not Pugs:** Bye byeeeee


	6. a noticeable lack of memes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to spice things up!! Take note of the lack of spelling errors, because unlike the Club, they are not heathens. Plus they're ~writers~
> 
> Suzy: ♡ Investigative Journalist ♡  
> Collin: grumpy cat but cuter  
> Dimitri: humble.genius

**♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Helloooo my beautiful boys~~~

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Whadya want

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Wow really feeling the love :^(

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Demons don't deserve love

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Aw Collin are you still mad about yesterday?

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** WEEKS DETENTION, SUZY

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** If you had listened when I told you to run, this wouldn't have happened

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Well if someone hadn't fallen asleep on lookout duty, we wouldn't have had to run in the first place >:(

 

 **humble.genius:** Sorry dude, really

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Is your insomnia acting up again?

 

 **humble.genius:** Haha no it's chill

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** I am literally an investigative journalist Dee, don't bother lying

 

 **humble.genius:** Drop it :)

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I hope that file was important enough to mar my perfect reputation

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Oh please the teachers know you’ve done worse

And, in fact, it is

Now we know where Isabel Guerra aka devilspawn lives

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Oh god

Please tell me we didn't do all that just so you could stalk your weird hate crush

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** IGNORING THAT LAST WORD, YES IN FACT WE DID

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I regret every decision in my life leading to this

 

 **humble.genius:** You say that every two and a half hours, it was timed

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** And every time i am completely sincere

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Sooo anyway, how would my two loveliest friends feel about hanging out tonight?

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** In which you mean staking out isabels home

No Thank You

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Collin dont be an old sponge with hair hanging off it

 

 **humble.genius:** Stop making vague references to that show that aired in 2006, coincidentally the same year as high school musical

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** What weirdo knows the year high school musical came out

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Dont act like you havent watched psych every time you come over!

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Cause you ALWAYS HAVE IT ON

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Excuses, excuses

If you come over mom will make chocolate cake

 

 **humble.genius:**....with the chocolate chips on top?

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** And caramel drizzle :)

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Goddamnit

 

 **humble.genius:** Cant say no to that

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** YESSS

I love easily swayed, morally ambiguous friends

 

 **humble.genius:** Just say chaotic neutral we know you want to

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** I have no idea what youre talking about

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Suzy we found your tumblr back in 6th grade

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** For the last time that is not me!! Just because they post pink aestheticy stuff and kin with satan--holy shit do i have a tumblr

 

 **humble.genius:** Its ok suzy, collin still hasnt deactivated his myspace

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I TOLD YOU THAT IN A CONE OF SILENCE DIMITRI

 

 **humble.genius:** Whoops my bad

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Youre such an enabler D:<

 

 **humble.genius:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Its ok collin we at least are civilized, modern people who have social media

 

 **humble.genius:** I just dont have anything interesting to post

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Yeah right

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Youre right all you would do is tweet about your latest chess match

 

 **humble.genius:** Well first id need a chess partner that actually gave me a challenge

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** WOW

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Suzy youre aware of how bad you are

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** OH DONT TURN THIS AROUND ON ME

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** AND I TAKE PRIDE IN THAT

ITS THE 21ST CENTURY WHOMST THE FUCK PLAYS BOARD GAMES

 

 **humble.genius:** Why are you always yelling

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** BECAUSE WE ARE EXUBERANT ABOUT LIFE

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I KNOW THATS YOUR ‘WORD OF THE DAY’ ON THAT DUMB APP OF YOURS

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** UHH SORRY FOR BEING A SCHOLAR??

 

 **humble.genius:** Pls stop text shouting

My text ears are ringing

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Youre no fun Dee

 

 **humble.genius:** Why do you insist on shortening my perfectly fine name

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Because when i tell mom that i love Dee she makes the funniest face

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Does your mom still think youre in some weird threesome with us

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Haha hmm

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Thats a yes isnt it

Goddamnit suzy

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** WELL let her assume what she wants

No skin off my duck

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Thats not a saying and also youre stupid

 

 **humble.genius:** Collins tough love gets me all hot and bothered

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Asdvgrwsxxhytrfbnjmnbvw

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** DIMITRI DRAGONSLAYER DANGER

 

 **humble.genius:** Heh

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** God i love that kid

 

 **humble.genius:** I am older than you

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** No youre not??

 

 **humble.genius:**...im taller than you

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** BY ONE INCH?

 

 **humble.genius:** Well the important thing is we’re both taller AND older then collin

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** SHUT UP

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Youre right

Collin please tell us, how does it feel to be the baby of the group

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Im leaving this dumbass cult and moving to canada

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Pleeeaaase you wouldn't last one week with your dad

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Id stay with uncle felix obviously

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** And you would die because he only eats moose meat and hockey pucks

 

 **humble.genius:** Dont forget the maple syrup

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Of course of course

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** DIMITRI’S AUNT LIVES IN BRITAIN WHY DONT WE EVER MAKE JOKES ABOUT THAT

 

 **humble.genius:** But i mean aunt varth actually does drink tea with every meal

Stereotypes are no fun if theyre true

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** I cant believe your grandma named her daughter a mixture of ‘darth’ and ‘vader’

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Are you forgetting his dad’s middle name, skywalker

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Imagine having the middle name skywalker and the last name danger

Just

Imagine it

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** All of my problems would cease to exist

I would be a better man

 

 **humble.genius:** Let us not forget that collins last name is literally just ‘surname’ in irish

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** STOP BULLYING ME

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** OH YEAH

Wow its almost like we’re all just characters and the creator gave us our last names with the barest idea of what they want

“Ah geez this guy is...irish, i guess? How do i like, show that, should i just..look up irish last names? Fuck it, google, whats surname in irish”

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** “Yeah, this guy, his name starts with a d, and im kinda in the alliteration mood rn, ya dig? So whats something cool that--Shit. danger. Im a fuckin genius”

 

 **humble.genius:** If we were fictional, we’d be the minions to suzys villain

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** And the activity club would be the rebels that fought to protect mayview

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** PLEASE their only ‘activity’ is bein FRUSTRATINGLY SECRETIVE

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Suzy when are you going to get over this dumb obsession

They probably just play minecraft but dont want to hang out with the weird video game club that fight over which pokemon is stronger and shit

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** FALSEHOOD

COLLIN WHERE IS YOUR CURIOSITY? YOUR INVESTIGATIVE SPIRIT?

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I only joined cuz u offered me your moms white chocolate chip cookies

I was so young and dumb back than

 

 **humble.genius:** “Back than”

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Stfu

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Wow i guess our multiple years of friendship had nothing to do with it??

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter: *** DICTATORSHIP

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** I am truly hurt and slightly pleased, collin

 

 **humble.genius:** Why doesnt collin get a cutesy nickname?

 

 ** **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:**** Cause youre a loveable sleepy sloth and collin is a raging dynamite stick

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** OH YEAH WELL I DONT NEED SOME DUMB NICKNAME

ALSO YOURE A BUTT

AND UGLY

 

 **humble.genius:** He has his own charm

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** His nickname can be coeliac, because he also gives me diarrhea

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Ur disgusting and im finding a new best friend

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Wait

Im your best friend?

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Ah

Um no

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** FINALLY HE ADMITS IT

 

 **humble.genius:** You owe me five starchman stars

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** CAN WE GET THOSE CUTE FRIENDSHIP NECKLACES I SAW NOW

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** I TAKE IT BACK I WAS LYING AND IM LEAVING THIS GROUPCHAT

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** HAHA NO YOURE NOT YOU LOVE US

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** NO I DO NOT DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH I HATE YOU!!!

 

 **humble.genius:** I feel so emotional right now guys

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** AGH U MADE ME SCARE AWAY MY CAT

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Ah yes.. _.Bastard_

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** STOP CALLING MY CAT A BASTARD

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Ur cat gave me my first scar i can call him whatever the fuck i want!!

I was hoping id get bit by a shark or something but nooo

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Ur just jealous that dimitri got to go on a shark cage dive

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** ITS NOT FAAAAAIIIIR I SHOULDVE BEEN INVITED

 

 **humble.genius:** It was a family vacation

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Are you implying that im not as close as a sister to you??

 

 **humble.genius:** Take from it what you will

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** DAMN stone cold Dee

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** There is no love in this household

 

 **humble.genius:** Im gonna go take a dump

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** Oh god Dee wtf

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** Have fun!!

 

 **humble.genius:** See you tonight

 

 **grumpy cat but cuter:** …is he implying that he’ll be in the bathroom until the evening

 

 **♡ Investigative Journalist ♡:** what a charmer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suzy uses faces with noses because she is chaotic evil.


	7. Ah yes Mr. Starchman, my big daddy--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isabel: Hugs not Pugs  
> Ed: Burger KingTM  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Max: iCravetheVoid
> 
> hmm missed a week, blame midterms, sorry!!

**iCravetheVoid:** Guys

Help

My jaw is about to fall off

 

 **Isangst amiright:** What happened?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Did u get into a fight? We’ll happily avenge your honor

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** No...i got a gum cigar and im chewing it with no end in sight

Its so BIG

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Hehe

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ed i swear to god

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Thats what she said

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ur banned from this chat, isaac how do we make that happen

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Why do u assume i would know?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Idk u have a smartphone which automatically makes u techier than us

 

 **Isangst amiright:** No it just means i live in the 21st century

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Lets not get back on this bullshit

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Speaking of bullshit

Theres a spirit wreaking mayhem in the gym and i cant deal with it rn

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** FUCK YEAH

Wait is there class in session?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Yeah but theyre outside doing laps

U got fifteen min

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** IM ON IT

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oh no u dont, ur at the other end of school

Im like two classes down, this ones me

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** EDDIE NOOOOO

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Bye binches

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** gotdammit

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Isnt this school like high maintence watched by those school council fuckers

How have yall not been caught yelling and jumping around halls by now

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** U overestimate them

They are Idiots

 

 **Isangst amiright:** There are some more competent ones, tho, like cody cept more evil

We just try to fly under their radar

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** They mostly keep their eye on troublemakers like suzy and johnny, we’re comfortably middle class

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** So ur boring

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I have superpowers!!!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** _They_ dont know that

Oh fuck

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Wha?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Mr starchman is in one of his Big Moods

Hes splitting up the class to reenact the battle of gettysburg

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** That sounds like fun!!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Isnt it an english class

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** He just pulled out an actual sword oh god

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Luckyyyyy

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Is that...allowed....

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I wish mr spender was that Hardcore

Mr spender teaching: ok dudes now lets get into why the great depression was bomb af

 

 **Isangst amiright:** In the positive or negative sense?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Who even knows

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Does he know what af stands for

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** WHO EVEN KNOWS

 

 **Isangst amiright:** isabel , is it weird having a teacher whos also ur dad?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Exsqueeze me??

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Gasp isabel why didnt u tell me

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Gross!!!

Hes only twenty something anyway

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Coulda been a teen pregnancy

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Oh trust me buddy, mr s isnt aboutta have kids

Unless he adopted i guess

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Why not?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** ….mr spender is gay, max

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** WHAT??

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ohmygod

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I mean, he wasn't really keeping it a seceet

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Max have u ever met a straight person who wears sunglasses inside

He has DRIVING GLOVES

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I DONT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE THINGS MEAN??

AM I MISSING A CONNECTION

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Oh nevermind

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Him and zarei are mlm and wlw solidarity

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** …….

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Max dont u fucking dare

Dont tell me u didnt know about zarei

She practically screams homosexual

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Its true i watched a woman compliment her hijab and she practically melted

It was the funniest shit

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Am i just a dumbass? Is that what it is?

A fuckin oblivious turd?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Aww its ok max

U know now at least

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ok well i want to make sure from now on

Whats u guys sexuality? If u want to tell me

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Gay, probably

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Dunno really

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well thats chill

U dont gotta have everything sorted out

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Thnaks max attack

And u?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Mm idk

Ive never had a crush before i think

 

 **Isangst amiright:** So theres no one that catches ur eye?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well

Oh shit mr starman is forcing me to participate

If i dont return after 30 minutes assume i was stabbed

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Will do!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Hello max’s friends

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Damn this boy always gettin his phone stolen

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Hello? Whos this?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Its alex

U probably dont know me

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yeah nope sorry

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wait rnt u that girl that drew the picture of the ufo?

I liked the stars

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Oh! U know of me! Thank you!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wlecome?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** U should remind max not to leave his phone unoccupied

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Bcuz someone could take it and start messaging his firnds with it?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yes exactly!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Lol who would want that piece of junk

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I will go to ur classroom and slap u

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Oh dear

 

 **Isangst amiright:**?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I belive max was just stabbed by dimitri

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Not...actually...right?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** No, with a pool noodle

Mr starchman has a stash of those in his closet

I think he stole them from the local pool

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Sounds in character

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Max jsut spit out a wad of gum the size of ym fist and stuck dimitri to the wall

I believe they will soon resort to homicide

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Wheres mr starchman??

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** He is constructing some desks into an elaborate throne

The other classmates have started to turn feral

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Just like in history

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** They have dropped, like flies

I fear death is near for me

It was nice, conversing with others

Good bye

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Jesus christ

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Why does that class always have to go so hard

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Isabel

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Isaac no

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im sorry u make it too easy

I have no choice

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** plea se i beg u

 

 **Isangst amiright: Isangst amiright:** ….

Thats what she said

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** GodFUCKINdammit

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Stop setting urself up for them!!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I am so disappointed rn u have no idea

 

 **Isangst amiright:** This is unrelated but did u ever figure out what was making those noises outside ur house

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** No but im pretty sure it was some raccoons or something

They were really loud :/

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Maybe it was a staaalker

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yeah right

Grandpa would kill them

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Guys i may need some backup

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Max?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Is it a spirit?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** No dimitri thinks he can actually win this battle

I need ur help

 

 **Isangst amiright:**...max u realize its not real right

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** IT IS WHERE IT COUNTS

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Theres like five minutes left

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Is this a betrayal? A mutiny?

Were we ever really friends??

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ok drama queen

Im sure ur strong enough to survive on ur own

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** That smartass bribed most of the class to his side wiht suzys moms famous cookies

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Oh damn

Does he have them like right now

Cuz i will come if he does

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** No i cant trust any of u

Ur all tainted

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Poor poor maxwell

U gotta give the people what they want

A reason for them to fight with u

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** What if i offered them a blowjob

 

 **Isangst amiright:** JESUS CHRIST

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Hes serious

Ok max we’ll be right there

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Dont do anything rash we can win this thing wihtout any prostituting

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Id make a damn fine prostitute

  
**Isangst amiright:** o h god


	8. WHERE'S THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isabel: Hugs not Pugs  
> Ed: Burger KingTM  
> Isaac: Isangst amiright  
> Max: iCravetheVoid
> 
> i had to look up 80's slang 4 this. on the upside, my vocab has expanded and i feel enlightened, and sufficiently superior to my ancestors who went around saying "radical" in all seriousness

**iCravetheVoid:** Good morning

Pleb

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Mornin

Biatch

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Aren't y'all in the same classroom rn

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Yeah but i can't be seen interacting with her

Gotta protect my lone wolf rep

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** On the first week of school u made like twenty friends what r u talking about

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** They are Not my friends they r high maintenance, clingy acquaintances

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ur like catnip for strangers

 

 **Isangst amiright:** It's his fake cool

If they knew what a dumbass he was…

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** UR JUSY JEALOUS THAT I WAS NOMINATED FOR CLASS PREZ

 

 **Isangst amiright:** U JUST GOT HERE LIKE A MONTH AGO IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** WHY DO U CARE UR NOT IN OUR GRADE

 

 **Isangst amiright:** U DON'T EVEN LIKE LEADERShIP!!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Isaac u gotta come to terms with the fact that our ugly, stupid friend is somehow more popular than all of us

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Speak 4 urself I'm everyone's lovable, quirky pal

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well at least ur self aware

 

 **Burger KingTM:** and isabel has that whole “cheerful jock” thing going for her

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I can't believe my little kohais r all cooler than me:(

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Don't worry Isaac ur xool in our book

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Don't speak for me

 

 **Isangst amiright:** SO CRUEL

I AM ALONE IN THIS COLD COLD WORLD

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** U should really be in drama

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Naaah son art is ym true calling

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Who was that guy with the green hair u were drawing yesterday?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ah u saw that? That's my gijinka

I'm not ver good yet

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I really liked his scythe thing!!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Really? Thanks!

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Wow

What a pure interaction

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I faintly feel like puking

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Y'all r miserable and jaded and can never fully experience happiness like u once could

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Damn??

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ahh that was a joke!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Lol it's chill dude

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yeah it's totally tubular bro

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Everythings grody to the max

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Teasing people is so not gnarly, my cool cats

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** WOW SORRY FOR USING AGE APPROPRIATE SLANG

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** max, code Lucifer

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Shit brb

 

 **Isangst amiright:** What's code Lucifer?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Whenever Suzy gets that murderous look and  starts walking over, max is suppos4d to distract her so I can escape

 

 **Burger KingTM:** That girl is hell spawn

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I admire her determination

She is someone to be respected and feared

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** She's bat shit insane tjats what she is

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Ur back !!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** But at what cost

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** I'm now sitting on the bathroom floor, skippinglike a badass

It is gross and dull

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well I just agreed to help Suzy wit some bake sale??

I have no idea how we were just talking about Dimitri and than...bam

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Hehe sucker

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Good news is that she said I could invite friends!!

 

 **Isangst amiright:** FUCK

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** That's right tithead

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** wtf

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Funny thing, actually,I would rather be eaten alive by moths

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Haha well good thing u have no choice :D

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Max blease

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I am NOT dealing with the Journalism Club alone

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im not dealing period >:V im a busy boy

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ill buy u bubble tea

 

 **Isangst amiright:** …..fine

 

 **Burger KingTM:** HA weak

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Eds coming too

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Uuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhh fiiiiiiine

 

 **Isangst amiright:** WEAK

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** IM WEAK

AND WHATS WRONG WITH THAT

BOY OH BOY I LOVE IT WHEN I FALL FOR THAT

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Stop lyric spamming u graceless heathen

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Umm i recall this exact song playing on ur fnacy pants phone so stfu

 

 **Burger KingTM:** WRECK HIM SIS

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ed is the ultimate hype man

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ed can have my first born

 

 **Burger KingTM:** I Dont Want It

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Fuckig fine than u turd

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yknow johnnys gang is always cuddlin and complimenting each other

Wheres our disgustingly sweet acts of affection?

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ur mom

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE WITH THIS CONTEXT

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** YOUR

MOM

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Me thinks someone is afraid of showing he luuurvs us uwu

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** In ur wet dreams

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Ewww

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ohreally

U draw the line at that

 

 **Isangst amiright:** i am a Devout Christian ??

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ur a dumb hoe thats what u is

 

 **Burger KingTM:** SOMEONE SEEMS DEFENSIVE

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** I WILL FEED YOUR FAMILY TO THE BIRDS

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Max has a healthy amount of fear of vulnerability and we must all respect that

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Dont psychoanalyze me u stupid pidgeon

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Pls

For once

Use a normal insult

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Never

furry

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** WHOA

 

 **Burger KingTM:** SLOW UR ROLL SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Max i will give u five whole dollars if u give each of us a genuine compliment

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Hmm

For real?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** U have my word

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Such unnecessary drama

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Shhhhtfu

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ok

Isabel, its really fun to watch u fight cuz ur super skilled and awesome looking

Ed, ithink its cool how ur funny on accident and u dont care what strangers think

Isaac, i see the effort u make in our friendship and i appreciate it a lot

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Oh jeez

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Im crying??

 

 **Isangst amiright:** That was actually really sweet man :’)))

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Ew dont get used to it

I better get my damn money

 

 **Isangst amiright:** I feel like im rewarding a dog 4 a trick

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** ….furry

 

 **Burger KingTM:** MAXATHAN MONTREAL BUCKET

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** None of those r right

 

 **Isangst amiright:** U know what else isnt right

Climate change

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Hello fellow teens

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Omg again??

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Who is it this time

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Haha what its me, maxwell puckett

Say whos ur favorite teacher just wondering no big

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** This is mr spender isnt it

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Pffft no?? Speaking of him, someone told me that he has an eight pack

That mr spender is shredded

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Mr s why are u not teaching ur class

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Well if u were to talk to mr spender i think he would say that he caught a student texting in class which is a Big No No, and now he has time to spare while the kids do a worksheet

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** So ur bored

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Im sure this breaks some kind of rule

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** By the way, why r u kids on ur phone during the period?

 

 **Isangst amiright:** Uuuuuhhhhh

Gotta blast

 

 **Burger KingTM:** Seeya spender!

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** mmhmm

Isabel? U went to the bathroom half an hour ago

Very interesting

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ill bring u starbucks tomorrow if u forget all of this

 

 **iCravetheVoid:**...and a cake pop

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yessss

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Now get back here

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Sure thing bro!

Whoops i mean, mr. teacher

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Do u see me as a brother figure, guerro?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Stop quoting B-99 at me and get back to work

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** But children are intimidating

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Yknow what else is intimidating

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** The all-consuming knowledge of being just an unimportant speck in the vast span of time and space?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** What? No. well yes i suppose but,

Unemployment

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh ok

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Sys

 

 **iCravetheVoid:** Sanctify Yodellers Sunday?

 

 **Hugs not Pugs:** Ur such an old coot

  
**iCravetheVoid:** :’(


End file.
